i wonder to myself last night,
is it becos i didnt put in enough effort,causing a lack of enthusiasm from you?
if i try putting in more effort from now on, would u be the same old u? right now im leaning away from u, cos that way i wont get hurt easily.
but wat if i lean towards u again,will you be like b4 again?
but when i started to lean towards u, u start to hurt me again monday n tueday was fine,i brace myself up and tell myself to be nice and be enthusiated.
i feel like being so,feel like being the very nice gal fren again.
and when i made such a move to lean back towards u,
i'd get hurt more easily.
if i didnt care, i wont be hurt. you were really fierce that day, i kept u waiting for abt 20 mins.
i know its my fault for not telling you im OT-ing for 25min.
i know i told u i end at ard 6.15pm,but i was told to stay til later.
your first reaction when u saw me was reprimandation
later on i found out u react this way cos u were in a bad mood. 2 nights later i asked why u in such a bad mood the other day.
u explained tht partly it was work,
another part was tht u thot i didnt answer ur calls cos i was busy chatting away with my frens.
so in ur eyes im this kinda gal fren.watever. i wont say im exellent anyway. and you say another part is because u saw everyone else in my uniform knocking off and leaving work,
so u thot i'd be tgt with them.but when i wasn't, u got so angry
u said u dunno wats going on.say u're worried abt me. but the thing is, i can hear so much anger and justification when u explained to me the reasons u were angry.
no sign of apologetic attitude,u dun sound sorry for being so fierce to mi,
u sounded like u were reasoing ur way thru n i deserve to be angry at. u were not like tht in the past.u always felt bad for being fierce to me
u'd always sound apologetic.this time u sounded justified.u've changed. and u used to get so woke up when i tear when i cry.
u deem me ridiculous and coulden't understand why i was crying on valentine's day when i lost my way.
ur first reaction was not "oh my god wat happened to my darling?"
it was "why the hell r u crying"
tht night when u hit me by accident and i started crying n u went like "do not cry, stop right now" im very sure u've changed.
if i had not lean towards u once again, im sure it woulden't have hurt so much.
so the only way not to feel hurt is to lean away.
but im so tempted to lean back towards u. so tempted. u used to be my everything.
i can see myself waking up beside u in 6-7 years time,
see myself cooking breakfast for u etc..but right now i cant.
right now i cant see tht clearly
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